How to Stop Talking Yourself Out of Exercising

I haven’t exercised for so long, it’s going to hurt too much to do it. I can’t start again.

Sound familiar? Believe us, you’re not alone if you feel this way. Such a statement offers a glimpse of what it might be like to be in your mind when you try to get started. The mind tends to amplify the negative and constantly remind us that things are going to hurt.

But, you might be thinking, it is going to hurt!

Before we debate that, try to notice that it’s your mind talking. You have thoughts, commentary, and images popping into your mind all day long. Some of these thoughts are helpful to your movement motivation, and some can derail you.

Noticing your mind is a skill.

In acceptance and commitment therapy, we call this “cognitive flexibility.” The idea behind cognitive flexibility is that you can’t get rid of thoughts, but you can be aware of your own thinking, thereby getting separation from those thoughts.

When you realize, Oh, I’m having that same old thought that I’m too tired to walk, you’re relating differently than you did to the times you believed that statement — “I’m too tired to walk” — at face value. By observing your own thinking, a part of you is watching your thoughts without being fully engrossed in them — kind of like having an internal observer.

When you use this internal observer and see that a thought is just a thought — much like a movie on a screen — you will feel that your thoughts have less power over you. Cognitive flexibility allows you to choose whether you want to listen to a thought or not. We don’t always have to just follow the mind’s advice, especially when it doesn’t align with our values-based goals.

You can observe thoughts, evaluate their helpfulness, and then let them go or act on them depending on what works best for you.

The fact is, the thoughts streaming continuously through your mind throughout the day aren’t all helpful, and just because you have a thought doesn’t mean you have to act on it. For example, you might think, I can’t stand up. I can’t stand up. I can’t stand up. But even as you think this, you can still stand up (or raise your hand, or blink your eyes, or smile, depending on your body’s ability). Having a thought doesn’t necessarily make it true — and sometimes your thoughts are true but not helpful.

Take a moment to consider all the demotivating things your mind tells you about exercise and physical activity (true or not!). Read through this list and consider how believing these thoughts might impact your motivation to exercise:

• It’s going to hurt too much.
• I am out of shape.
• This is too hard.
• I can’t start exercising again.
• It’s too early in the morning to exercise.

When you attach onto and follow these thoughts, what happens?

Now repeat these thoughts, but add this disclaimer: “I’m having the thought that.” It looks like this:

• I’m having the thought that it’s going to hurt too much.
• I’m having the thought that I am out of shape.
• I’m having the thought that this is too hard.
• I’m having the thought that I can’t start again.
• I’m having the thought that it’s too early.

Practicing cognitive flexibility involves noticing that a thought is just a thought — and that thought doesn’t have to determine your behavior.

Choosing Compassionate Thoughts

Another practice that may be helpful to you when these demotivating thoughts show up is to choose a more helpful thought — a self-compassionate one.

Self-compassion isn’t letting yourself off the hook; rather, it’s reminding yourself that it’s human to get off track from your values, and it’s using kindness to gently guide yourself back.

Self-compassion involves recognizing that you are struggling and offering yourself support to help minimize your suffering.

Self-compassion involves recognizing that you are struggling and offering yourself support to help minimize your suffering.

According to self-compassion researcher Kristin Neff, PhD, self-compassion has both a tender (yin) side and an active, fierce (yang) side. The tender side of compassion is soft, kind, warm, and loving toward you when you feel guilty about not exercising. The fierce side of self-compassion is protective, active, and brave enough to do something about it.

What are some warm, encouraging, and courageous thoughts you might choose to tell yourself when you’re getting started? Can you link your compassionate thoughts to your values? Write them down in a notebook under the title “Compassionate Thoughts.” Your compassionate thoughts might look something like this:

• It’s understandable that this is hard; it’s often hard to get started again.
• I love adventure, and getting back in shape will help me do what I love.
• I’ve been able to do this before, and I know I can do it again.
• I can take it slow and be gentle with myself.
• I am doing this to care for myself, and sometimes caring for myself is uncomfortable.
• Every time I start again, I grow stronger and more resilient.

As you get started again with moving your body, remember to notice your thoughts. Be flexible with the ones that are unhelpful and demotivating, and choose compassionate thoughts that are warm and encouraging.

By practicing these skills of cognitive flexibility and self-compassion, you can and will get moving again, no matter what your mind says.

Rethinking Movement: What If Exercise Really Does Hurt?

When I (Katy) was in college, I was trying to start a regular exercise habit and decided to sign up for my first group exercise class at the gym — a 6 a.m. strength-training session on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. The instructor was a great teacher; she was inspiring and gave lots of coaching on good form. The very first session ended with walking lunges while holding weights (if you’ve never done this move, it’s a booty killer). I had never done a walking lunge, let alone enough of them to fill 10 minutes, but the instructor was using 8-pound weights, so I grabbed some too and did every lunge she did. She was a very motivating teacher!

When I woke up the next morning, I felt like I had been in an accident. I could barely get out of bed, and when I did, I could barely walk. Every step felt like a giant punch to my thighs. The soreness went away after a few days, but I didn’t make it to any more exercise classes that week.

The soreness that comes with exercise is most often related to tissue damage — tiny microtears in worked muscles and connective tissue — caused by dealing with a new load. This damage is the whole point of exercise. By doing movements we’re not used to or while carrying more weight, or by moving for longer than we usually do, we create microdamage that the body responds to by growing more mass.

The process of healing and getting stronger includes a little inflammation and swelling, which can make the body painful to the touch and cause stiffness and soreness too. Unless you’re like me and jump headfirst into a session that is way too much to start with, exercise-related soreness is fairly mild, lasting a day or two.

Still, just as there are many exercises that won’t make you sweat, there are a lot that won’t make you sore, either. Pace yourself; start with shorter sessions and try things without much weight or impact at first. Do a little bit every day as opposed to a lot on just one or two days a week, until you’ve felt things out.

If you feel your pain from exercise is due to a bigger injury being created by the way you’re exercising, then getting assistance with form or some physical therapy on a weak area might be a good place to start. Your workout shouldn’t leave you in regular pain. Stop and sort out some of the holes in your movements by working on corrective exercises part by part until you can move with relative ease.

This excerpt is adapted from I Know I Should Exercise, But . . . : 44 Reasons We Don’t Move & How to Get Over Them by Diana Hill and Katy Bowman. Reprinted with permission from the publisher (Uphill Books). Copyright © 2025.