6 Tips to Simplify Your Relationship

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SET CLEAR EXPECTATIONS

Making your desires known — ideally, early on — helps avoid needless confusion, Tawwab explains. “The biggest fear about being honest is that you might scare people away,” she notes. “But this is true only if they aren’t interested in what you present.” If you’d really like to get married one day — or absolutely object to it — say so. The same applies to raising kids or any other substantive shared reality. Being honest keeps your communication free of guesswork.

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TAKE A BREATH

Whenever you feel a sense of urgency, pause before communicating. If you’re about to say something sarcastic or fire off a heated email or text, “take three mindful breaths and consider what you’d truly like to convey,” ­suggests meditation teacher Sharon Salzberg in Finding Your Way: ­Meditations, Thoughts, and Wisdom for Living an Authentic Life. It may take a tiny bit longer, but beginning a difficult conversation in a calm state can save you time (and cleanup) ­later.

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UNPLUG EVERY NIGHT

The average American looks at their phone every five minutes. These habitual checks make it nearly ­impossible to give others our undivided attention — even those we care most about. Becker recommends removing social apps from your home screen and silencing your notifications at the end of the day so there’s nothing to distract you from your partner and family. This act can deepen those connections more than you’d expect. (Check out “How Can I Get My Partner To Put Their Cellphone Down?” for tips to help navigate this conversation.)

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CULTIVATE POSITIVITY

Make positivity a habit. The Gottmans’ research shows that when you adopt a negative lens, you can overlook as much as 50 percent of your partner’s generous, relational behavior. But when you’re deliberate about feeling and showing appreciation, you start to notice more of the good stuff. Look for opportunities to express genuine gratitude and admiration: “Thank you for walking the dog.” “I’m proud of you for nailing that project.” “I love how you look in that shirt.” This single shift can significantly improve the quality of your connection.

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EMBRACE IMPERFECTION

We can run ourselves ragged trying to be, or find, the perfect partner. But setting the bar impossibly high — for ourselves and others — inevitably leads to disappointment. It’s also a barrier to love, according to Salzberg. “Real love is not about distinct objects presenting their perfections to each other,” she explains in Finding Your Way. “There is perfection in the connection to our shared vulnerability, not in a perfect life that guards against having any vulnerabilities at all.” Sometimes the simplest thing to do is also the hardest and the most worthwhile: Just be yourself.

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PRACTICE LITTLE RITUALS

Conflicting schedules, workplace stress, and competing needs can strain a relationship. But you don’t need an expensive vacation to reconnect. Instead, you can create daily “rituals of connection,” suggest marriage researchers Julie Schwartz ­Gottman, PhD, and John Gottman, PhD. These can be simple: an evening stroll. A morning check-in. A kiss goodnight. The idea, says John Gottman, is to “make emotional connection intentional and a priority in your life.”