We live in complicated times.
The world is full of unfolding stories we can’t control, and our lives often brim with overlapping commitments and relentless digital distractions. It can be difficult to process it all.
After a while, we might get so used to the energy of chaos that we forget how to slow down and connect with ourselves and each other. Sometimes that’s even the point: Staying busy — with work, social obligations, community activities, anything — may feel easier than being vulnerable and open to life.
“Busy has become the default state for too many of our lives,” writes minimalism expert Joshua Becker on his blog Becoming Minimalist. “[But] busy is not inevitable. Each of us can take intentional steps to unbusy our lives.”
“Unbusying” is one of many ways we can reduce some of the complexity — at least those aspects of it that are within our control. And the joys of greater simplicity are many.
When we simplify our schedules, we have more time for the people we really want to spend time with, including ourselves. When we simplify our work lives, we can be more productive and creative. When we simplify our financial lives, we may spend less time worrying about money.
In short, making more space for what matters allows us to fully inhabit our lives, says therapist Robin Stern, PhD, associate director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence. “The reward is living authentically, in alignment with what’s actually going on inside of you.”
If that sounds good, try some of these straightforward strategies for finding a little more breathing room in your own life.
SIMPLIFY YOUR WORK LIFE
Work necessarily involves pressure, but decomplicating some aspects of your professional life can help you reduce needless stress.
1) TIDY YOUR DESK(TOP)
There’s a link between clutter and anxiety. Time you spend looking for a lost document or apologizing for a missed email is time you spend anxiously not doing the rest of your job.
Princeton University researchers have found that our brains prefer order and that visual reminders of disorganization can zap our energy and reduce our focus. At the end of each workday, try setting aside a few minutes to close documents and tabs and flag important emails to address the next morning. Then clear the surface of your workstation, suggests Becker. This routine can also serve as a boundary, marking the end of the workday and helping you shift out of work mode.
2) SCHEDULE ROUTINE TASKS
Creating workplace routines can preserve your energy and free your bandwidth for creative work, explains Georgetown University computer science professor Cal Newport, PhD, in his book Slow Productivity: The Lost Art of Accomplishment Without Burnout. Try answering emails only at designated times during the day. Save busywork for Fridays, when you’re likely to be out of creative gas.
Whatever the routine, the goal is to reduce unnecessary chaos and make your overall efforts as seamless as possible.
3) FOCUS ON ONE THING AT A TIME
Setting more goals than you can reasonably accomplish in a day is not just exhausting — it’s counterproductive. “Our brains work better when we’re not rushing,” Newport explains.
He suggests focusing on one major task per day, working at a comfortable pace with a focus on quality over quantity. If your job involves doing multiple tasks in a day, try setting aside time blocks in which you work solely on one project before moving on to the next. This protects against burnout and makes your efforts more sustainable over time. (Try these tips for doing one thing at a time.)
4) MIND YOUR BOUNDARIES
It can be tempting to overperform at work, but we’re far more effective when we take care of ourselves. “Just because you’re at work doesn’t mean you can’t set limits,” explains therapist Nedra Glover Tawwab, MSW, LCSW, in her book Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself.
Here are some boundary practices: Arrive and leave on time. Take your lunch break away from your desk or workstation. Heed your body’s call for a walk outside in the fresh air. If your contract says 40 hours per week, there’s no need to put in 45 — you’ll do better work if you’re rested.
5) USE YOUR PTO
Half of all American employees don’t use all their time off; most of that segment reported feeling too busy to go on vacation. But we all require time away for rest and relaxation — and to regain our perspective. Cleveland Clinic experts argue that vacations help reset your brain, broaden your thinking, and leave you more creative, focused, and decisive. (Explore these ideas to help you learn how to take time off — guilt free.)
SIMPLIFY YOUR FINANCES
Money is stressful for almost everyone, but creating a few fundamental routines can dramatically reduce financial anxiety.
6) TRACK YOUR EXPENSES
Not knowing where your money is going is inherently stressful. Tracking expenses is one way to relieve that particular worry. Try saving receipts or using an app, such as Monarch Money or MoneyMinder, that syncs with your bank. Don’t overthink the tool: Whatever system feels good to you is the right one, suggests financial therapist Bari Tessler, MA, in The Art of Money: A Life-Changing Guide to Financial Happiness. The point is to create ease. “Simply pausing and saying, ‘Yes, I’d like a receipt’ at the register can bring a small breath of mindfulness to your money relationship,” she writes.
7) CREATE A MONEY-MANAGING ROUTINE
To bypass any resistance that financial tasks may trigger, set up automatic payments for bills and deposits. Then, once a week, set aside a quiet time to tally your receipts and balance your accounts. Routine financial check-ins may initially feel awkward, Tessler explains, but “over time, your nervous system will relax into the reassuring repetition.”
8) PAUSE BEFORE YOU PURCHASE
Compassionately tuning in to your body’s signals may help alleviate the numbness that can lead to overspending, Tessler notes. So before you click “buy,” pause — and ask yourself how you’re feeling. Make it a habit to leave things in your online shopping cart for 24 hours before purchasing. Slowing down and checking in sends the message that you matter, she adds. “What’s arising inside you deserves attention.” (Struggle with emotional shopping? See “What Triggers Emotional Shopping and How to Take Back Control” for expert advice on taking charge of your spending.)
9) APPRECIATE WHAT YOU HAVE
Contentment is “the key to overcoming the passion for possessions,” Becker notes in his book Things That Matter. Relishing what we already have can be a shortcut to satisfaction and an easy antidote to overspending. Contentment brings health benefits too: It can lower your stress levels, improve your outlook, and boost your overall happiness.
10) GIVE A LITTLE
Though it may sound counterintuitive, being generous with your money can help curb money anxiety. Try buying someone a cup of coffee or donating a little to a cause you care about. Now check to see if you’re still OK financially and whether you feel less anxious. “Notice how your needs are being met and how you had extra to spare,” suggests Becker. This can go a long way toward reducing scarcity thinking.
SIMPLIFY YOUR SOCIAL CALENDAR
Overcommitting socially can leave you feeling harried and resentful. These tips can help you honestly acknowledge your capacity — and allow for more authentic connection.
11) TAKE A BEAT BEFORE COMMITTING
If you have a hard time saying no, you’re likely operating in people-pleasing mode, says Stern. Taking a pause can help you sync up with your own needs. When someone makes a request, don’t answer right away; tell them you’ll get back to them after you check your calendar. Then ask yourself, Do I really want to do this? (See “How to Stop Being a People-Pleaser” for tips to help you stop putting other people’s needs before your own.)
If you don’t, it’s OK to say no — without an elaborate explanation. “‘No’ is a complete sentence,” Stern notes. “It’s just that simple. But, in order to make that simple decision, you need to have a quiet mind.”
12) STEP BACK FROM DRAINING RELATIONSHIPS
Sometimes people unwittingly zap our energy — particularly if they are chronically negative, are critical of us, or demand a lot without reciprocity, says Stern. If you notice yourself consistently feeling exhausted after your interactions with someone, it’s fine to take some space. This doesn’t necessarily mean eliminating them from your life; that may be impossible if they’re part of your family, workplace, or social circle. Just aim to limit your exposure. See them only in groups. Stick to neutral facts during conversations and avoid emotional topics. And when necessary, politely excuse yourself from their company.
13) ALIGN YOURSELF WITH PEOPLE WHO UPLIFT YOU
It may seem obvious, but it’s perfectly acceptable to prioritize connections that just feel better. This one change can really improve your social life. “Emotions drive relationships,” says Stern. “When you start to recognize what feels good, and who it feels good to align yourself with, then you can invite more of that into your life.”
14) EMBRACE “SCRUFFY HOSPITALITY”
Spending time with others is vital to our well-being — particularly for the many of us who report feeling isolated and lonely. Yet we often feel like we need an elaborate menu and a pristine home before inviting people over. You can avoid this pressure by embracing scruffy hospitality, a term coined by Anglican priest Jack King and shared by Oliver Burkeman in his book Meditations for Mortals.
Scruffy hospitality means you don’t insist on making your house perfectly tidy before you invite people over. Likewise, you don’t worry too much about the menu.
A good pot of soup and some wine is more than enough to offer the people you love. Wipe down the bathroom and you’re ready to host. Keep your gatherings simple and you might find yourself hosting a lot more of them. (The social equivalent of soul food, cozy home gatherings and small-group entertainments are drawing us closer — to simple pleasures and to each other. Here are just “6 Uplifting Reasons to Get Your Friends Together.”)
SIMPLIFY YOUR COMMUNITY WORK
Being of service can be great for your mental health, but it can lead to burnout when you’re volunteering, donating, and giving beyond your capacity. These tips can help you direct your limited resources where they’ll make the greatest impact.
15) THINK SMALL
You don’t have to fix everything to make a difference in the world. Walk a neighbor’s dog. Donate food to a local shelter. Invite a new family on the block over for a potluck. Small acts of service can pull us out of our own complicated lives and leave us feeling more spacious inside. “When we shift our focus off ourselves,” Becker writes, “we live lives of greater meaning and greater contribution.” Don’t underestimate the impact of small gestures, either. You may never know if that friendly greeting offered to a stranger on the sidewalk makes a big difference in their lives, but it might. And either way, being kind will probably make you feel better.
16) CHOOSE ONE OR TWO WORTHY CAUSES
There’s a lot to be concerned about in the world at large, and it can be difficult to know where to direct your attention. While each call for donations or volunteer hours may be worthy of your money and energy, there is only so much any one of us can do. In his book Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals, Burkeman suggests focusing your energy on one or two causes. Volunteering at your local food pantry or donating to a refugee fund doesn’t mean you don’t care about deforestation, he points out. It just means “you understand that to make a difference, you must focus your finite capacity for care.”
17) MANAGE YOUR NEWS CONSUMPTION
You can stay informed without endless doomscrolling, Newport explains in his book Digital Minimalism: Choosing a Focused Life in a Noisy World. He suggests identifying a few reliable news sites and using an app to save noteworthy articles for later. Select these articles during the week and read through them on a Saturday, he suggests. Do it over a cup of tea or at your favorite coffee shop. Giving yourself time in a pleasant environment can help you absorb and reflect on the information.
SIMPLIFY YOUR PARTNERSHIP
Our intimate relationships can be a refuge. But, as with any close connection, they can also get … complicated. Whether you’re seeing someone casually or living with a longtime partner, these strategies can keep things simple.
18) SET CLEAR EXPECTATIONS
Making your desires known — ideally, early on — helps avoid needless confusion, Tawwab explains. “The biggest fear about being honest is that you might scare people away,” she notes. “But this is true only if they aren’t interested in what you present.” If you’d really like to get married one day — or absolutely object to it — say so. The same applies to raising kids or any other substantive shared reality. Being honest keeps your communication free of guesswork.
19) TAKE A BREATH
Whenever you feel a sense of urgency, pause before communicating. If you’re about to say something sarcastic or fire off a heated email or text, “take three mindful breaths and consider what you’d truly like to convey,” suggests meditation teacher Sharon Salzberg in Finding Your Way: Meditations, Thoughts, and Wisdom for Living an Authentic Life. It may take a tiny bit longer, but beginning a difficult conversation in a calm state can save you time (and cleanup) later.
20) UNPLUG EVERY NIGHT
The average American looks at their phone every five minutes. These habitual checks make it nearly impossible to give others our undivided attention — even those we care most about. Becker recommends removing social apps from your home screen and silencing your notifications at the end of the day so there’s nothing to distract you from your partner and family. This act can deepen those connections more than you’d expect. (Check out “How Can I Get My Partner To Put Their Cellphone Down?” for tips to help navigate this conversation.)
21) CULTIVATE POSITIVITY
Make positivity a habit. The Gottmans’ research shows that when you adopt a negative lens, you can overlook as much as 50 percent of your partner’s generous, relational behavior. But when you’re deliberate about feeling and showing appreciation, you start to notice more of the good stuff. Look for opportunities to express genuine gratitude and admiration: “Thank you for walking the dog.” “I’m proud of you for nailing that project.” “I love how you look in that shirt.” This single shift can significantly improve the quality of your connection.
22) EMBRACE IMPERFECTION
We can run ourselves ragged trying to be, or find, the perfect partner. But setting the bar impossibly high — for ourselves and others — inevitably leads to disappointment. It’s also a barrier to love, according to Salzberg. “Real love is not about distinct objects presenting their perfections to each other,” she explains in Finding Your Way. “There is perfection in the connection to our shared vulnerability, not in a perfect life that guards against having any vulnerabilities at all.” Sometimes the simplest thing to do is also the hardest and the most worthwhile: Just be yourself.
23) PRACTICE LITTLE RITUALS
Conflicting schedules, workplace stress, and competing needs can strain a relationship. But you don’t need an expensive vacation to reconnect. Instead, you can create daily “rituals of connection,” suggest marriage researchers Julie Schwartz Gottman, PhD, and John Gottman, PhD. These can be simple: an evening stroll. A morning check-in. A kiss goodnight. The idea, says John Gottman, is to “make emotional connection intentional and a priority in your life.”
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