8 Tips to Navigate Back-to-School Stress

Perhaps one of the biggest surprises of parenthood is just how much anxiety swells up around back-to-school season — not just our kids’ worries, but our own.

Transitions bring questions and anticipation, plus the complexity of going from free-for-all summer days to more regimented schedules and a new set of expectations.

“Anxiety is rooted in fears and worries of the unknown, that antici­patory anxiety of not knowing what’s to come,” says Francyne Zeltser, PsyD, a licensed psychologist and clinical director at the Manhattan Psychology Group. For parents, much of the anxiety stems from worrying about how they’re going to manage things, including schedule shifts, extracurricular sign-ups, meal planning, the financial burden of supplies and clothes, and more — while helping kids cope with their own worries on top of it all.

But it’s not a one- or two-person show, Zeltser and other experts note. Just as kids have parents to fall back on when they’re anxious, parents can and should call on their communities to help them get through the season.

Stress Source

Kids’ anxiety. What do I wear? What do I bring? Who will be my teacher? Are any of my friends in my class? These are just some of the questions on kids’ minds as they head into a new school year. The unknowns create a maze of anxiety that kids often struggle to navigate.

Projecting stress. Parents may not realize that the stress they feel often transfers to their kids. Yet what parents worry about likely doesn’t align with what keeps their kids up at night, says Joshua Stein, MD, a child and adolescent psychiatrist at Minnesota-based PrairieCare. It’s a misunderstanding that can generate tension when kids don’t feel heard or understood.

Meeting new expectations. School curriculum only gets harder as kids advance each year. And beleaguered parents (trying to figure out Common Core math, for instance) soon come to realize it.

Fear of missing out. Parents often worry that they haven’t signed their kids up for the right activities to set them up for key socialization opportunities or help them burnish their college applications. “Parents fear their kids will be left out and left behind — left in the dust and be sad or anxious,” says psychologist Jolie Silva, PhD, clinical director at New York Behavioral Health, where she focuses on kids and parents.

Overwhelm. Feelings of isolation, financial stress, concerns about school safety — or potential hazards while commuting back and forth — can create a powder keg of anxiety for parents.

Success Strategies

1) Acknowledge that going back to school produces anxiety. Validate kids’ anxieties and try to help them contextualize their concerns. “You can generalize from successful or positive experiences from previous years or educational environments for the next school year,” Stein says.

For example, maybe your child was really worried about their teacher last year, but they quickly grew to appreciate them. Or maybe they’d been concerned about not fitting in, but they made a new best friend by Halloween. These ­reminders instill confidence that they can meet whatever this year brings too.

2) Lean on your community. Parents with similarly aged kids can be a crucial source of support for problem-solving and stress-busting. Sharing your concerns about the new school year with other parents can prevent you from unintentionally projecting them onto your children. Kids don’t need to hear about their parents’ worries, which could just generate new anxiety for them, Silva notes.

Additionally, collaborating with other parents can help you offload or share tasks that may not be your strong point — say, math homework — and focus on tasks that align with your strengths and schedule. Maybe you work from home and are able to do carpool pickups, whereas parents who work in an office may have less flexibility, Zeltser suggests.

3) Devise emergency strategies and know when to ask for help. One way to mitigate safety concerns is by making plans. What do you want your children to do in the event they get sick, are separated, miss a bus, or experience violence?

“Be proactive and educate your child,” Zeltser advises. Starting when your kids are as young as pre-K, make concrete emergency plans and ensure that they know pertinent information, such as phone numbers, addresses, and people they can turn to if you’re not available.

Keep in mind that it’s unlikely you or your kids are going to need this information, she adds, “but at least everyone is on the same page and knows what to do if they need to.”

4) Find the deals. Back-to-school can feel like a financial stretch, so start with easy stuff: Watch for sales and don’t wait until August, when inventory may be picked over. Some schools partner with outside organizations to acquire affordable school-supply kits for students.

Savvy parents often swap items through Facebook school groups or the Buy Nothing Project. If needed, connect with a school resource counselor, who may suggest low-cost or free options.

“It takes a village,” Zeltser notes. “Lean on other community members when it’s too stressful to do it yourself.”

5) Allow children to make (some) decisions. Parents often assume that they need to be making all the decisions, Silva says, but that’s not the case. “Your kids are independent humans with their own interests, feelings, and lives. If parents are making 99 percent of decisions about their lives, it takes away their autonomy.”

When it comes to things like fashion, books they want to read, or classes they want to take, kids deserve a say. On issues of safety, health, academics, ethical decisions, and more, they’re going to need confident parental leader­ship and guidance.

6) Avoid overscheduling. Every parent has felt pressure to sign their kids up for activities that will look good on future college apps, but some psychologists say this can do more harm than good. Rest time — that is, no tech — is necessary. Make sure their schedules allow them space to decompress.

“[Downtime] helps with consolidating information, creativity, and ­problem-solving,” Silva says. This allows the brain to make neural connections they cannot otherwise make. “Kids are deprived of that.”

7) Schedule family time. As kids age and get busier, parents often feel more emotionally distant from their kids — and vice versa. “School and sports and arts and activities can be a lot, and we worry about kids because we lose track of what [and how] they are doing,” Stein says. “Talking at dinner, turning off your phones, allows you to be a more active part of their lives.”

Regularly being present and emotionally available with your kids is the most important support you can offer during the back-to-school transition. The quality time you spend together lays the groundwork for connection and strong communication, which will encourage them to come to you for support and guidance when challenges arise during the year — and beyond.

8) Support your own mental and physical health. The age-old parenting adage holds true: You can’t pour from an empty cup. “We need to be well to maintain the wellness of our children,” Stein says.

You can start by scheduling your own time for wellness activities, like exercising or connecting with friends. If you find it difficult to disconnect from your kids and their anxieties, you may need to seek your own support — which may include finding a therapist or visiting your primary-care doctor, he notes.

This article originally appeared as “Back-to-School Transitions” in the September/October 2024 issue of Experience Life.