A strength coach once shared some training wisdom that has stayed with me through the years: “Move where you can so you can move where you can’t.”

In a literal sense, the aphorism applies to improving range of motion in, say, a squat. Rather than force your body into an uncomfortable position or depth, approach your personal edges, train strength and resilience there — and in time your body will find more space to move.

Figuratively, I’ve found this also to be true of moving through grief.

I previously shared the story of a recent, intense bout of grief — triggered by the death of a beloved pet, an unfulfilled creative venture, and the general state of the world — and how it led me to train as a grief movement guide. (Read about this experience at “Mourning Movement.”)

The mission of grief movement, developed by trauma-informed yoga instructor Paul Denniston, is to use breath, movement, and sound to transform pain. Not to erase the feelings of sadness, anger, fear, or worry (nor to pretend everything is fine when it feels like your world is burning) but to find a way to keep living with it.

Grief, as many know, can become a constant companion. But it doesn’t have to exist at the expense of love and joy.

This proved truer than ever when, shortly after I completed Denniston’s course, my father was diagnosed with a rare, aggressive, and ultimately fatal form of cancer.

My dad was always my best teacher. When I was little, he drilled multiplication tables in lieu of bedtime stories and showed me the rings of Saturn through a backyard telescope.

An engineer turned chef, he taught me how to drive and how to make his favorite Persian stew. He was a lifelong student of science and philosophy; he introduced me to the limitations of theology and the possibilities of theoretical physics.

Together, late at night, we would discuss the mysteries of the universe. And what greater mystery, to those of us who live, than death.

The teachings and musings of our 41 years together came to a head during the final days of my father’s life. The last coherent words he said to me, as our family was debating whether it was time to start hospice, were “You know.”

And he was right. I did know. We’d been talking about it and around it for decades, and I knew his beliefs and his wishes around the end of life.

But knowing didn’t make anything about losing this person — so foundational to my own existence — any easier.

Taking care of myself in a moment when all I wanted to do was take care of my family was a challenge. But I had learned that I didn’t need to lose myself to anxiety and worry in the process.

During quiet moments in the hospital and late at night when sleep eluded me, I turned to my body for wisdom and healing. Six movements I learned through the grief movement course rose to the top as ways to stay present and keep my emotions moving rather than squashed down to be processed later, if at all.

Shoulder Release and Sufi Grind helped me bring awareness to my breath and body and keep tension from building up in any one place.

Cannon Breath and Breaking the Chains gave me space to express the feelings of anger, frustration, helplessness, and regret that inevitably bubbled up.

Love Taps, while speaking my feelings aloud, helped me find and nurture the root of my grief, my love for my father.

And Forward Fold offered me a place of surrender — not to give up, but to give in. On the most basic level, I gave in to the power of gravity, a true and necessary force that I cannot control but can accept.

From there, I could accept other truths: that death is not the opposite of life, but an integral part of it. That sadness is not the opposite of joy. That grief over what’s lost is not the opposite of gratitude for what was, for what still is, and for what will be.

Each of these moves can be performed alone or together as a seated flow. I offer them as an invitation to anyone who is grieving.

A Flow to Move Through Hard Times

Shoulder Release

1. From a comfortable seated position, on an inhale, bring both hands to your heart in tight fists and lift both shoulders to your ears.
2. As you exhale, allow your hands to relax and come back down to your thighs as you lower your shoulders. Be aware of any tension that remains and soften it with each repetition.
3. Continue the shoulder release three more times, then come back to your natural breath.

Sufi Grind

1. From a comfortable seated position, place your hands on your knees.
2. Moving from your waist, circle your torso in one direction, shifting forward, to the side, backward, to the other side, and so on.
3. Continue making large circles as you observe your breath. Connect to your core for support as you gently open and move your spine.
4. After one to two minutes, reverse directions, repeating the same large circles with your torso, at your own pace, for the same amount of time.

Cannon Breath

1. From a comfortable seated position, bring your fists to your belly.
2. Observe your natural breath.
3. Inhale three quick breaths through your nose and fill your diaphragm with air.
4. Next, in a powerful release, exhale strongly through your mouth, voicing a loud “Ha!” as if releasing a cannonball. Push your palms in toward your navel as you vocalize to clear out any stale oxygen as you open your throat.
5. Continue for one minute, repeating this sequence at your own pace.

Breaking the Chains

1. From a comfortable seated position, hold your arms in front of your chest, bent at the elbows, with one forearm on top of the other.
2. Make tight fists with your hands. Imagine and connect to where you’re feeling stuck.
3. Inhale deeply. As you exhale, push both elbows back with a powerful “Ha!”
4. Continue for one to three minutes, repeating the sequence at your own pace.

Love Taps

1. From a comfortable seated position, bring your hands to your heart.
2. Take a deep inhale, and take a deep exhale.
3. Lightly begin to tap your chest and heart with your fingertips. State aloud how you are feeling: “I am . . . .” Don’t assign any judgment to what you feel; say it honestly and be a witness to it.
4. Continue to tap and speak for one to two minutes.

Forward Fold

1. Sit on your chair with your feet parallel and hip width apart. Move your feet a little forward to support you. Plant both feet firmly to the floor.
2. Fold forward over your thighs, softening your body and allowing gravity to pull you down. Release your hands to the floor or onto your feet. Gently bounce or shake your head, if you’d like. Run your fingers through your hair, if it feels good.
3. Breathe deeply into your lower back.
4. Observe sensations that arise. All you have to do is be. Stay here as long as feels right.
5. When you’re ready, slowly roll up one vertebra at a time.
6. Breathe deeply.