My daughter Lizzy and I were about two hours into our road trip to my hometown when a call from my husband came through: “Do you know where Maddy’s tennis shoes might be?” Our older daughter had tennis practice in 30 minutes — and her first tournament the next morning — and her new shoes were missing.
“She was wearing them when she got home from morning practice — they have to be there,” I replied. We ended the call, the two of them continuing to tear apart our home in search, Lizzy and I continuing our drive. Until a few miles down the road.
As I mentally retraced the actions I’d taken before leaving home, I recalled throwing my running shoes in my suitcase. Between wrapping up some work and packing for a quick weekend away, I had been in a rush. I had a sinking feeling: Could I have grabbed her shoes? I couldn’t have grabbed her shoes!
I stopped to check my bag as soon as we pulled into the next town — and sure enough, there they were. I began to cry as I dialed my husband to let them know the shoes were, in fact, with us.
That might seem like a strong reaction, but I had been maintaining a jam-packed schedule for several weeks leading up to this, with minimal downtime. I had just returned from a longer-than-expected work trip and was barely home for 24 hours before hitting the road again. I was physically and emotionally spent.
I’d been ignoring all sorts of signs that I was running on fumes. My sleep tracker had been flagging low heart-rate variability along with an elevated resting heart rate — yet I continued to push myself in workouts. Recent bloodwork pointed toward high stress levels and adrenal fatigue — yet I was compromising sleep and recovery. My energy was flagging, and my mood was all over the place.
Packing Maddy’s shoes instead of my own was another sign that I needed to slow down — because my go-go-go lifestyle was affecting the people I love most too.
Coincidentally, this incident occurred just a few days after I met and interviewed this month’s cover feature, Judith Joseph, MD, MBA, a psychiatrist and the author of High Functioning: Overcome Your Hidden Depression and Reclaim Your Joy (see her story here).
After reading Joseph’s book and then talking with her, I decided to delve deeper into her practices. I had found myself checking the boxes for several of the tendencies associated with high-functioning depression: nonstop busyness, restlessness, chronic productivity, people-pleasing, and self-care neglect. I felt deep down that I had some work I needed — and, importantly, wanted — to do.
I’m still early in the process of putting in the work; it’s three steps forward, two steps back. But I’m on the path of reconnecting and being more in tune with that inner knowing that’s trying to tell me what’s good and right for me. I’m setting some personal and professional boundaries, I’m delegating where I can, and I’m listening more closely to my body.
“Healthy Connections” — the theme of this issue — begin with the one we have with ourself, expanding from there. This season, let’s give ourselves the gift of recognizing and prioritizing our own well-being and self-care. Ultimately, that’s also one of the greatest gifts we can give to the people we love.
