Many work environments today seem to be modeled on the blood sport of the Roman Colosseum. This is not surprising, given that the culture at large seems to be one of disparagement, where we revel in seeing each other lose and fall into despair. Gladiator-style reality-TV shows like The Apprentice are just one example.
In such a paradigm, there are winners and losers and little belief in collaboration. When we emphasize power over compassion, and disparagement over cooperation, in our work environments, we weaken our connections with our coworkers and make skillful communication less likely.
Still, we don’t have to play by these rules, even if it seems expected of us.
Another meditation student of mine learned this from a surprising interaction with her restaurant manager. My student had behaved rudely to a customer, and the manager asked to speak with her privately. She geared up to defend herself, since — like many people — she had experienced workplace discipline that was delivered in belittling terms. But she was completely disarmed when the manager began the conversation by complimenting her with utmost sincerity on her work at the restaurant and her general character.
By the time the subject of the problem interaction came up, she was open to hearing what the manager had to say and agreed she could’ve handled it differently.
The problem was resolved without anyone having to win or lose, and without either party resorting to aggressive or disparaging tactics.
Exercise: Offer Positive Feedback
We can diffuse negativity and competition by affirming our colleagues whenever it’s appropriate. Be happy for them when things go well, and supportive when they don’t. When we take joy in others’ successes instead of their losses, we step outside the win–lose equation. Once we’ve grounded ourselves in positive appreciation as a practice, we can offer critical feedback in a more direct and straightforward fashion, without the negative charge.
Stealth Meditation:
Notice how you are holding something — a steering wheel or cup, for instance. What is the quality of your grip? Sometimes we exert so much force holding things it exacerbates our tension without our realizing it.
Go Deeper
Workplace communication challenges can undermine our equanimity, sap our satisfaction, and hurt our success. A renowned mindfulness teacher shows us how to build stronger, more successful relationships — with our colleagues and ourselves. Learn more at “7 Workplace Communication Challenges and How to Overcome Them,” from which this article was excerpted.
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