Parents bear much of the hefty responsibility for teaching kids about healthy eating. Some of this education comes from direct instruction, but kids also learn by watching how their parents talk about and interact with food. (And they pay attention to other important adults in their lives, so don’t assume that being an aunt or uncle means you lack influence.)
We can send positive messages by making healthy food choices, eating mindfully, and openly enjoying the food we eat. We may convey less helpful messages unintentionally. If we model overly restrictive eating patterns, refer to foods as “good” and “bad,” or use food as punishment or reward, kids may learn lessons that could contribute to a disordered relationship with food.
It can be a lot of pressure. When we’re caught between the desire to do right by our kids, uncertainty about how to process our own baggage, and confusion over what’s actually healthy, we’re bound to feel stressed. Maya Feller, MS, RD, CDN, founder of Maya Feller Nutrition, has a few suggestions for encouraging and modeling healthy food attitudes.
Stress Source
You haven’t processed your own food baggage. You may have learned less-than-healthy lessons from your own parents and other adults in your life — and these biases may be unconscious and deeply ingrained. If you have yet to work through your own relationship with food, you’re more likely to pass those lessons down.
The responsibility can feel like a heavy burden. “Parents have a lot on their shoulders these days,” says Feller. When you’re faced with struggle at the dinner table, it can be tempting to choose the path of least resistance.
You don’t know what to teach kids about food. Feller notes that many parents are overwhelmed by health and nutrition advice, much of it contradictory. “There’s an abundance of information,” she says. “Some advice appears to be grounded in evidence but is actually anecdotal, and everyone seems to be an expert.”
You don’t know when to start having conversations about food. Kids start picking up on things at a young age, even before they’re ready to have a nuanced conversation about it.
You don’t know how to get kids involved. Including kids in grocery shopping and meal prep takes extra time and energy — both of which come at a premium.
You slip into disordered food habits or ways of speaking. It’s impossible to set a positive example at all times, and you’re unsure of how to correct your mistakes.
Success Strategies
1) Look at your own relationship with food. “Each one of us has a learned relationship with food that’s significantly impacted by cultural and social norms,” Feller says. “We need to compassionately examine those ideas and relationships to minimize passing on harmful beliefs to kids.” For those finding this difficult to do on their own, she recommends getting professional help from a physician, therapist, or dietitian.
2) Know that your words and actions can have a positive influence. Even if kids seem to live in their own worlds, they pay close attention to what you say and do, Feller emphasizes. Your opinion and example really matter.
3) Enjoy food together. Feller underlines the importance of family meals as a forum for talking about food in positive ways — that it can be delicious and fun to try. They’re also great opportunities to introduce kids to a wide variety of healthy foods.
4) Present food in neutral or positive ways. “We often paint things in very black-or-white terms when it comes to eating,” Feller says. “We say things like, ‘Donuts are bad’ and ‘Broccoli is good’ and attach moral judgments to the act of consuming one or the other.”
Assigning moral value to foods can lead kids to feel guilty about their choices, she adds. It can also lead them to rebel against hard-and-fast rules. Keep it simple and factual: “Broccoli is nutritious” rather than “Broccoli is good for you.”
5) Focus on the big picture — and don’t bargain. Feller encourages parents to focus on supporting a healthy, happy child rather than obsess over the specifics of their diet. “I recommend not shaming or guilting children into eating a particular food,” she says. “It’s best to skip saying things like ‘You can have ice cream if you eat your veggies.’”
6) Emphasize variety. Rather than continually urging kids to eat certain things, Feller recommends offering foods with different tastes and textures, and repeat the offers with enough frequency that kids might build familiarity and interest.
This can be especially helpful with pickier kids. Regularly serving different foods can help kids find something they like, she notes. “I always remind parents that they themselves have strong preferences, and because your kid is their own person, they will have flavors that they like and flavors they don’t like.”
7) Help kids tune in to their bodies and appetites. “When my son was a toddler, I would say things like ‘Are you satisfied? How does your tummy feel?’ and I would let him answer,” Feller recalls. “Sometimes I would add, ‘Do you feel like you’ve had enough, or would you like to have some more?’ — not making either of those things good or bad. Just asking him to check in with himself.”
8) Start the conversation early. Feller recommends opening the door to food conversations when kids are toddlers. You can start by introducing kids to new foods and making neutral observations in grocery stores or at farmers’ markets. While browsing the produce aisle, for example, you can point out the vibrancy of berries or the cartoonish shapes of various types of squash.
“You can give them choices of fruits and vegetables so they feel that they are involved. It’s best to use positive and exploratory language with toddlers,” she says.
9) Get kids involved in meal planning, grocery shopping, and food prep. Kids can take part in these activities early on, says Feller. “Including kids in shopping is an opportunity to introduce them to the whole grocery store through ingredients and flavors. This builds curiosity as well as a willingness to explore different foods.”
Kids can even participate in food prep. “Children from 3 to 5 can tear lettuce, snap peas, help shuck corn; then, as they get older, they can use spoons and forks to do things like scoop melons or kiwis,” she says. “When their motor skills are even better, you can begin to teach them how to use a knife safely and properly, how to turn on the stove safely, how to boil water, and [how to] use various kitchen utensils.”
10) Recognize and normalize slip-ups. “If a parent does something that’s out of character or inconsistent, that’s an opportunity for them to actually acknowledge it and be open and honest,” Feller says.
For example, perhaps you binge on something in front of your child. Afterward, you can say, “Wow. I ate more of that than I usually do, and I’m feeling uncomfortably full. I will try to remember how this made me feel and slow down next time.”
Part of this involves giving yourself some grace. “One of the psychotherapists I work with suggests that parents don’t need to worry about always being right or doing the right things,” she says. “They only need to be right about 75 percent of the time to be a good influence. There’s 25 percent leeway!”
Renewal
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This article originally appeared as “How to Talk to Kids About Food” in the March/April 2026 issue of Experience Life.
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