Vacation! We all appreciate a restful break from the stresses and routines of everyday life. And because vacation time is hard to come by, we naturally want our time off to count: We want to return feeling relaxed, restored, and fortified with fond new memories.
One way we might try to maximize our time off is by taking a trip with friends or family. Yet vacationing with others — even our favorite people — is rife with opportunities for conflict. A dream vacation can quickly sour if the group lacks consensus on priorities and budgets, personalities clash, or individual needs remain uncommunicated.
Fortunately, a little planning can go a long way. Clinical psychologist Charlotte Russell, PhD, founder of The Travel Psychologist blog, offers some eminently practical suggestions for dealing with opposing needs during a group vacation — so everyone can get the renewal they’re seeking.
Stress Source
The group’s expectations do not align. There’s a wide spectrum of vacation styles, and we might be surprised by the likes and dislikes of our friends and family. “It’s easy to assume that people we know have the same preferences we do, but that can be far from the truth,” Russell says.
Perhaps one member of your group wants to sample every local adventure, while another prefers to spend all their time reading a book by the pool.
Members of the group have different assumptions about what traveling together means. Russell has observed that there’s a common expectation among travelers that “if you’re vacationing together, you’ll be spending all your time together, doing everything together. Yet many people will find that overwhelming.”
There is a generation gap. Younger and older vacationers likely differ in their interests, energy levels, physical abilities, and goals for their vacation. It can be tricky to find common ground between a 5-year-old and an 85-year-old.
The budget is a touchy subject. “This is a common source of tension,” Russell says. Travel budgets reflect not only various levels of financial freedom but also contrasting attitudes about spending.
Generational differences can impact attitudes about spending, she adds. Some grandparents may have more frugal habits than their kids and grandkids, for example. On the other hand, many younger people have less disposable income than their elders.
Personality differences become more pronounced. Vacationing with family or friends can be “a little more intense than seeing them in day-to-day life,” Russell notes.
Travel and lodging challenges — such as delayed flights, reservation errors, and unexpected weather conditions — can highlight the different ways people operate under stress and potentially strain the group dynamic. You’re also spending a lot more uninterrupted time together than usual, and overexposure can lead to friction.
People’s needs and desires may change midvacation. Maybe the quiet time an introvert initially enjoyed creates some loneliness halfway through the stay, and he’d like to socialize more. Or maybe the enthusiastic history-and-culture buff realizes that she’d like to spend more time on the water.
Conflict may come as a surprise. Some families or friend groups likely haven’t faced the kinds of conflicts that occur on vacation, and they’re completely unprepared for the problems that arise in a new context.
Success Strategies
1) Establish your priorities. Before planning a vacation with others, spend time establishing what is most important to you, Russell advises. “This allows us to be clear on what we are willing to compromise on and what we aren’t.”
2) Be discerning about who you invite. For Russell, a good vacation with others begins with the guest list. “When considering whether to vacation with particular friends, think about times in the friendship when you’ve needed to ask for something or assert your needs,” she says. “Has the friend listened and been understanding and supportive — or not?”
Traveling with others is a good way to build and maintain relationships, she points out. But the foundation of the relationship is key. The greatest benefits stem from spending time with people we trust who are supportive and understanding.
3) Discuss expectations in advance. “For family travel, in particular, unspoken expectations and norms can play a role in conflict, or in people feeling unable to assert their needs,” Russell says. Intentionally communicating expectations and priorities ahead of time can prevent unanticipated conflict from arising throughout the trip.
“Sometimes, in the planning stage of a vacation, conversations about expectations will come up naturally, but sometimes they don’t,” she notes.
She recommends talking through activities, amenities, various expenses, and individual needs.
4) Be willing to compromise. “Compromise can work well when all parties are willing to work together,” Russell says. “Approach your planning in a spirit of sitting side by side with the issue in front of you — cost, activity level, whatever — and working together to address it.”
5) Consider appointing a coordinator or point person. It can be helpful to ask one person to handle questions and concerns, says Russell. This person can streamline group communication as well as the decision-making process.
It may seem logical to choose a natural leader among your group, but that person may not want the added pressure during their time off. Ask your group if anyone is willing to take this role, and emphasize that the goal is to simplify the planning process.
6) Be OK with splitting up — even if the plan was to stick together. “It’s important for everyone to try not to take it personally if a member of the group says they want some time alone,” Russell notes. “We all have different appetites for time together.”
One compromise she suggests is to rendezvous for dinner after spending some time apart during the day. “That’s an example of a nice balance between separateness and togetherness.”
7) Check in. Some in a group can be expected to speak up if they want something different, but those who aren’t comfortable doing that may benefit from loosely scheduled group check-ins to make sure needs are being met. This could be as simple as taking a moment over breakfast or dinner to ask how everybody is feeling and whether the current plans still feel right.
8) Take care of yourself. Self-care is critical while negotiating the interpersonal challenges of a group vacation. “If we look after ourselves well, we are less likely to feel irritable or impatient with others,” Russell notes.
Make sure you meet your basic needs by getting enough sleep, eating regular meals and snacks (because we can all get hangry), and staying hydrated. And don’t be afraid to claim some alone time, or time with just your immediate family, when you need it.
Taking care of the essentials helps you show up as your best self on vacation — and feel the most restored and fulfilled when you return home.
Renewal
For more inspiration and strategies to overcome life’s challenges, please visit our Renewal department.
This article originally appeared as “Let’s Take a Trip” in the July/August 2025 issue of Experience Life.
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