Make Room for More Fun!

When you hear the word “fun,” do you immediately feel a sense of longing?

Many of us view fun as irresponsible, or acceptable only in the extreme; that’s our work-hard, play-hard mentality.

But we all know how to have fun: It’s as natural as breathing. In fact, most things we do can be fun so long as our thinking doesn’t get in the way. Especially our thinking about what we should be doing instead — as in I should do that. I should be this.

Few things throw cold water on a good time like a weighty sense of obligation. But we can create a balance of duty and reliability right alongside fun and pleasure. And the benefits of doing so go well beyond a good time.

Fun Can Turn Back the Clock

Ellen Langer’s well-known “counterclockwise” study provides insight on how we can shift our mindset to bring more fun back into our lives. And fun can even help us feel younger. (Read more about Langer’s work here.)

In 1981, Langer and her Harvard research team took a group of eight participants in their 70s to stay for five days in a monastery that channeled the year 1959: The decor, newspapers, magazines, and music on the radio carried the participants back to that year. Mirrors were replaced with photos of the participants from 20 years earlier.

Before these participants stepped into this time capsule, researchers assessed their dexterity, hearing, vision, cognition, and other aging markers. Then the participants were encouraged to act and think as they once did, even to speak in the present tense about their experiences ­regarding the movies, sports, and news of the era, and of the artifacts in the room.

A control group also lived in the 1959 world for five days, but they were just told to reminisce about it as the past.

Researchers found that the group that acted 20 years younger showed marked health improvements compared with the controls. They sat taller. They looked younger. Their eyesight improved.

In short, they let go of their “shoulds” and had fun together. As a result, their brains, bodies, and moods changed in just five days.

Thankfully, living in a time capsule isn’t a requirement for gaining some of the same benefits those participants had.

Try these tips for allowing yourself to let go of the ­attitudes that are weighing you down — and have more fun.

1) Find the Flow

When you’re caught up in the feeling that you should be doing something, you’re struggling. In these situations, you may feel like you’re not in charge of your own life. There’s a push-pull going on inside: You can’t seem to find your flow. Flow, which signals the absence of inner resistance, happens anytime you’re engaged in an activity that you choose freely. (To learn how states of blissful concentration can boost your overall health and well-being, see “Go With the Flow.”)

2) Unblock Your Flow

If you’re never having fun or feeling any sense of flow, it may signal that you’re committing again and again to the very “should” that is blocking your life. Try to figure out what’s getting in your way and envision a path through it. This usually requires some inner work, like a mindfulness practice or talking to a supportive friend or therapist.

3) Make a Change

In her poem “Autobiography in Five Short Chapters,” Portia Nelson describes falling into the same deep hole in the street three times while gradually understanding her mistake.

You may spend a long time falling into the same pits over and over, at least until you start to take more ownership of your life. A mindfulness practice can help you recognize your patterns and gives you a fighting chance to finally walk around them toward something new.

4) Be More of Yourself

Each of your fumbling attempts to stop stepping into your favorite holes helps you get to know yourself better. You have a greater understanding of what gets in your way and of what you really want. This allows you to become more comfortable bringing your real self to all parts of your life, including to work. And that ease helps you get into the flow of life far more often.

The more you become yourself, the more you feel good in your own skin, the more you can open yourself up to fun. When you have that inner freedom, fun — just like joy — arises spontaneously.

This article originally appeared as “Make Room for Fun” in the November/December 2023 issue of Experience Life.