Leaning on a Breast Friend: How Two Women Supported Each Other Through Their Breast Cancer Journeys

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Transcript: Leaning on a Breast Friend: How Two Women Supported Each Other Through Their Breast Cancer Journeys

Season 7, Episode 10  | October 19, 2023

Jamie Martin:
Welcome to Life Time Talks, the podcast that’s aimed at helping you achieve your health, fitness and life goals. I’m Jamie Martin, editor and chief of Experience Life, Life Time’s whole life health and fitness magazine.

David Freeman:
And I’m David Freeman, director of Alpha, one of Life Time’s signature group training programs. We’re all in different places along our health and fitness journey but no matter what we’re working towards, there’s some essential things we can do to keep moving in the direction of a healthy, purpose-driven life.

Jamie Martin:
In each episode, we break down various elements of healthy living including fitness and nutrition, mindset and community, and health issues. We’ll also share real inspiring stories of transformation.

David Freeman:
And we’ll be talking to experts from Life Time and beyond who will share their insights and knowledge, so you have the tools and information you need to take charge of your next steps. Here we go.

Jamie Martin:
Welcome to Life Time Talks. I’m Jamie Martin.

David Freeman:
And I’m David Freeman.

Jamie Martin:
And in this episode, we are recognizing that October is breast cancer awareness month, and we have two guests with us who are really excited to talk about how they became breast friends because we know that when you’re going through a challenging time in your life you need support and these two found each other.

David Freeman:
So, we’ll kick off with our first superstar Becky Attard. She actually worked for Life Time for almost 24 years and during her time there she was a group fitness performer, an artistry award winning studio manager, and then when Becky was diagnosed with stage four breast cancer in June of 2020 her entire life changed. After 22 rounds of chemo, 43 sessions of radiation, seven surgeries, a broken neck, Becky was being handed funeral papers. She now is in remission, and she intends on remaining there. Becky is married to the love of her life Fred, and they have two beautiful children, Marco and Giano. Marco being 11, Giano being six, and since Becky has now left her full time role at Life Time, she currently sells homes with her husband in Southeastern Michigan. She plans on returning to the studio to teach yoga now that her treatment and surgeries are in the past.

Jamie Martin:
And also with us is Jayme Zylstra. She is currently the executive producer of livestreaming and on demand for Life Time. For the past 29 years, Jayme has made a career at Life Time by her inspiring, motivating, and leading members and team members in various roles. In February of 2023, Jayme was diagnosed with invasive ductile carcinoma, stage one breast cancer. After hearing all the fields of hearing you have breast cancer, she made up her mind to make this like another challenge that she has trained for.

All the hours of working out at Life Time, living a healthy way of life and being a role model to her two daughters made all the difference in her months of treatment. Jayme is married to her biggest supporter Ken and his two amazing daughters who are her world, Zoey who is 22 and Ruby who are 20 and they are amazing. I hope you can talk about them a little Jayme. If you don’t see Jayme working out at the club, she is teaching, walking outside, or doing handstands as well as saving as many dogs as she can as a foster mom. Becky, Jayme, thanks so much for being here with us. We’re so excited.

So, as I mentioned at the top of the episode, October is breast cancer awareness month and that’s an initiative that many of us have heard about. It’s really been around for quite some time, and it’s intended to promote screening and prevention of the disease, which affects one in eight women in the United States every year and two point three million women worldwide. So, as we shared in both of your bios, you were both diagnosed within the last few years, and we want to just recognize each of your journeys in having that diagnosis happen to you. So, let’s start with you Becky and talk a little bit about what was it like to hear the diagnosis of you have breast cancer and how did you get there? What happened that led you to explore what was going on in your body?

Becky Attard:
Just to rewind real quick I was here at Life Time when I was 19 years old. Met my husband there, had two kids, was a studio manager for 20 plus years and then that led me to March of 2020 and you guys remember what March of 2020 was. That was COVID and everything shut down. We all came home and that was March, April, and then May happened. So, I was 39 in May, turn 40 in June. So, right before my 40 birthday. Did a great workout in my basement because my husband and I were like we’re going to capitalize on the opportunity to work out, eat right, just all the things. got in the best shape. Did a good workout. Took a shower and I was in the shower and I was like wow that large lump protruding from my chest was not there yesterday and I showed my husband and he’s like wait a couple days and see what happens.

I was doing pushups a couple days later and I was like wait a minute, I know enough about the body to know if I like did something massive to my chest I wouldn’t be able to do these pushups right now. Went in, got the diagnosis June 23 of 2020 and I’m not sure if you guys know this but there was a week in June where the Michigan clubs were going to reopen. So, I went back to work for a week, and I was at Life Time in Studio 2 when I got the call. I got the call, I’m sorry to let you know your tests came back positive. You have breast cancer. Called my husband, called my sister, and then I called my general manager and he was like where are you and I’m like I’m studio 2 and he came, and he was the first person I saw. I was like hyperventilating and I was like we’re in the middle of COVID. Nobody even knows when you wake up in the morning if you can go to the grocery store, right, and now I have breast cancer. I just kept saying I don’t want to do this, and he very calmly looked at me, ____00:05:51, he looked at me and he said but you have to and that was like one of the first tough love moments that I had because so many times you have to do things in life that you don’t want to do and I was like breast cancer. Please, like someone get me off this train, right. like I don’t want to do this.

So, we went into August 12, had a double mastectomy. Had a post op infection, so I was in the hospital for a week. Had another surgery when I was there. Went into four rounds of chemo. During chemo I froze my scalp. I did something called cold cap therapy. So, my scalp was frozen, so my hair thinned significantly but I was not bald. It was awesome. Went into 28 sessions of radiation and radiation is like supposed to be the easiest part of your cancer journey but mine was not because I had to hold my breath. As we learn in yoga go to your breath. Well, I couldn’t go to my breath. My breath was taken away from me. So, that was interesting. So, finished up radiation. Had two breast reconstruction surgeries and then that took us to September of 2021 and we thought we were done because that was stage two.

And it was like have you ever done a workout and it was a terrible workout. You were tired. You were interrupted 10 times and you’re like let’s just pretend that workout didn’t happen, right. Let’s sweep that under the rug and we’re going to wake up tomorrow and have a good workout. That’s what that breast cancer journey was. It was like 15, 16 months of surgeries, treatments, let’s get back to real life and move on, and then fast forward to March of 2022 having neck and back pain. Was getting adjusted by a chiropractor. Wasn’t improving. My husband is like you’re not improving because I was like I couldn’t fold forward and I couldn’t turn my head. Leave it to the people you love to like tell you the truth. My husband is like you’re not improving. I was like yes I am. He’s like no.

Sought out a physical therapist who had been on my staff at Life Time for 15 years. Called her up and I was like I got to come see you. Not doing well. And I was third session. She stopped, she’s like something’s not right. you’re not responding the way you should. Sent me to the ER and I came home from the ER August 26 of 2022 I had a broken neck. So, the cancer was in my bones. It broke my C1 vertebrae and my C2 vertebrae, T10, L1, L4 was all cracked. My pelvis was cracked and my femur was on the verge of collapse because the cancer was all down my femur. So, came home from the hospital, had a broken neck, stage four cancer and funeral planning papers.

So, we got into 30 days of an emergency frenzy of blood work, scan, scan, spinal biopsy, doctors’ appointments, it was crazy, and we ended up September 30, which tomorrow is the one-year anniversary of my cervical fusion. I had to have my neck stabilized, so the neurosurgeon who’s a member believe this or not, screwed a plate to the base of my skull and then there’s two titanium rods that screw into C4. I remember I was laying on his table in his office broken neck, neck brace, pain pills, he walks in and at that time I mean we had been handed the funeral planning papers, the oncologist was like most people in your situation have six months and the conversation I had to have with people. You always hear like what would you do and what would you say to people if you were given six months to live. I mean I was there. I had to tell my mom.

During that time, I was like mom if I don’t make it you’ve got to be strong for Fred my husband and the kids and my mom was like how can you say that to me. You know what I mean. Those conversations I had with my husband, my parents, it was bad. Excuse me. So, September 30 we had the fusion and then we went into 18 rounds of chemotherapy and that was a month later and I was not even close to being recovered from the fusion and I had to start 18 rounds of chemo, and during the 18 rounds we had to do five sessions of hip and femur radiation. We did that. Got through the 18 rounds and we ended treatment in April, April of this year.

So, like almost six months ago and it’s a miracle and everyone’s like it’s a miracle the treatment worked and the cancer is gone but all my doctors are like no the real miracle is that you’re not paralyzed because I was walking around for a broken neck for a while. And so, here we are, we’re grateful and I go back to the oncologist on Monday. I’m there all the time and they’re going to sign my return-to-work form and I am teaching my first yoga class on Tuesday October 10.

Jamie Martin:
That’s amazing.

David Freeman:
I mean just to recap and unpack all those things for one, I mean just that’s an experience that when you share this is a movie, right, and for you to go through and weather that storm, it just puts things so much in perspective when we get up each and every day and maybe something as simple as something not going our way and what we complain about and what you just explained as far as the fight, the resilience, and just the grit of an individual and the things that really, really, really matter, the community that you’re around, the people that help support you and get through all that but the one common denominator is you in all this and you not giving up and believing and knowing all the things that you want to fight for, live for, I mean just kudos to you, inspirational without a doubt and I can only imagine when you teach that first yoga class, man, man. I can only imagine the journey you’re going to take them on.

Jayme Zylstra:
I’m going to that class damn it. October 10, I got it on my calendar.

Jamie Martin:
Okay, Jamie, I was just saying so Jamie as we mentioned in your bio, you do livestream. Like how do I get livestream into that studio where Becky’s going to be teaching so that all of us for breast cancer awareness month too it can be there. Anyway, that’s a whole side conversation and possibility but Becky truly, and actually as I was listening to a few other podcasts that you’ve been on, and we’re going to come back to this too, but I think, you know, you shared in other podcasts about like David used the word perspective and how different times along your journey you were kind of given different perspectives along the way and I think that’s going to get into our mindset but I think that’s just such an important thing. It’s a reality check for all of us, right.

So, let’s move over to you for a second Jayme. We’re going to come back to perspective and mindset in a little bit, but Jayme let’s talk a little bit about you and then we really want to get into how the two of you have known each other as well as just how you became breast friends. So Jayme, let’s talk about your diagnosis journey.

Jayme Zylstra:
So, as I have to follow Becky’s story, right, I sit here with…I’m so honored and humbled to be here because Becky’s story is so different than mine which is a lesson for everybody to know is every breast cancer journey story is so different from one another. You can’t put them in the same. And so, my story is definitely different than Becky’s is, and when I first heard breast cancer the first person I thought about was Becky, but my story is nothing like hers. When I think back to it too, it kind of starts in 2022 where I just wasn’t feeling myself, you know, and I’m 56 years old and I was like oh my gosh this aging thing is really hard on me and I don’t want to be getting into this new phase of my life where I was going through menopause, and I laugh at myself because I always thought I was better than menopause. Like I would never go through that because I work at Life Time. I take care of myself. I workout five days a week. I do yoga.

So, I wouldn’t go through menopause, I’m so much better than that, which is such a stupid bet, but it was my reality. So, I did go through the menopause, and I was feeling all the feels of that and then in 2022 I actually went and had a mammogram and they found a lump on my right breast and I remember they called me back in and they said we found a lump on your right breast. We need to do an ultrasound. So, I went in and I remember, you know, praying before I went in, talking and just making sure that this cannot be breast cancer and having all those deals that you do in your ____00:14:57 like oh please don’t be it and then they said oh just dense tissue. Don’t worry, it’s just a cyst.

So, I walked away from that going Jayme don’t do that to yourself again. It’s just a cyst and I went on with my life and still just not feeling great throughout that 2022 and then in January 2023 I just wasn’t comfortable with what I…I’d gained some weight and I was just like okay I just got to get down back to my whole 30 eating and everything and I lost eight pounds kind of quick and when I lost the eight pounds again I felt that lump in my right breast, and I remember when I touched it I kind of like drew my hand off of it like pretending I didn’t feel it and walking away like I didn’t feel that. No, I must not have felt that, and I did that for two weeks where I was like no, no, no and I didn’t even talk about it. I didn’t share it with my husband. I didn’t share it with anybody until for some crazy reason I went into a Pilates class and I was like today is the day I need to go and get this checked.

So, I called to get it checked, to get a mammogram. They said you have to go to your general doctor. We can’t just do a mammogram and I remember Jayme you just had a cyst there. After I went and saw my gynecologist she said I’m glad that you came in. Yes, you definitely have a lump there. Went and had a mammogram the next day. Again, when I had that mammogram, they said there was nothing there. It was just that cyst. We’ll do an ultrasound just to make sure. So, they did another ultrasound, no Jayme, it’s just a cyst you don’t have to worry about it, and I said please don’t think I’m crazy, but I have this energy this vibration that I can’t even sleep. There’s got to be something there. Can we please do more. And she said well I can schedule you for a biopsy and I’m like no can we do that today. I just got to sleep. I just need to know what it is, and I shouldn’t say this publicly but I will, I didn’t know what a biopsy was.

So, I was like okay let’s do a biopsy. So, we did that and right after that the woman she hugged me. She’s like I’m so glad that you asked for this biopsy and I’m like why what does that mean, and she said I’m just glad you did and then you got to wait. So, whenever you do things like that you have to wait, and I had to wait for four days to get my results and that’s just waiting. You know, you have the anxiety. You have the worry. You have the fear and then of course my husband he’s the biggest competitor and he used to say it’s okay, everything is going to be fine, and I remember in the back of my head going of course you’re going to say that, right. So, I’m a caretaker too. I care for my mom, and so, on February 13 when I was at my mom’s caring for her, I got that call and it was the last call of the day.

It was around four o clock in the afternoon that I got that and when I saw the number I remember I walked away from my mom because I knew what the call was because they told me if I get the email it’s nothing but if I get a call it’s going to be something. So, I got the call and I remember I had to keep it together because I couldn’t show my mom, you know, what was going to happen. So, I just got a piece of paper and a pen and I started writing down this different language because if I didn’t know what a biopsy was do you think I’m going to understand what estrogen progesterone positive means or HER2. I don’t know any of this. This is all a new language, but I took five pages of notes, and they were telling me my diagnosis that I had, and they were telling me who my surgeon was going to be, who my oncologist was going to be, what appointments I was going to go to in two days.

So, your life changes like immediately and they don’t really talk to you to like ask questions because I’m the four o clock phone call. They want to get off work I’m assuming. So, we just had the five pages and I took it and I kind of put it to the side and I had to go back to my mom. I’m very emotional. I cry easily but I remember just holding back the tears because I had to be strong for my mom. So, I did that and then I had to have surgery and I actually slept on it going I don’t know if I want that oncologist, I don’t know if I want that surgeon. Who are they. And I knew I had to build my own team and so who do I trust and the person I trust is that one person that I see once a year and that’s my gynecologist. So, she helped me build a team and she helped me build a plan, and she was amazing, and I didn’t share my news with many people as we’ll tell you in a little bit, but I didn’t share my news with a lot of people because I had a lot of shame because I was healthy. I was physically fit and I thought…again, I didn’t think I’d go through menopause. I definitely didn’t think I was going to have breast cancer.

So, I had some of that and I didn’t share my story with a lot of people. I shared it with my twin sister who always takes all my pain. I mean she does everything for me. She would go through the ____00:20:01 machine for me but she couldn’t take care of my breast cancer. So, I had to go through this by myself. So, I had to build my team and we did that. I did end up doing a lumpectomy because my surgeon was telling if it were to come back she wants the cancer to come back in my breast tissue. So, we had a lumpectomy on February ninth. Unfortunately did find cancer in two of my lymph nodes. They took four out but two is better than four. So, I’m going to be okay with that. Then you have to wait for the ONCO score and we did that and I have surgery again.

Like I said, I had surgery in April, April sixth and the reason I waited until April sixth for that too was my husband had an adventure race that he was going on and it was one week I had to wait and I really wanted him to do that because I needed a little bit of time by myself, a little bit of time to reflect and do this journey by myself for a little bit. And so, that’s why we waited. So, April sixth is when I had my surgery, and we had the lumpectomy with the lymph nodes removed and then I ended up having to go through 18 rounds of radiation which I am so blessed that again with my care team I got to go through rapid radiation, and I didn’t have to have any chemotherapy. So, I was so happy with that as well and now I’m on my road to recovery, but I’m excited to share my story.

David Freeman:
Once again, appreciate you walking us through that journey, and like you said at the beginning, two different journeys but at the same time living in a similar space and to understand one another and lean into one another, the power of empathy. The question I want to throw at you both is how do you come about now supporting one another because once again you’re in a similar space, and I know what tends to happen with friends that might be going through something that’s similar but yet different is we usually share our experience to kind of say hey you know this is what I did or this is what I went through. How do you now champion like listening if you will and providing insight to make sure that they are heard versus making the story about you. I know that’s hard and that’s why I’m more curious than anything because when you think of being a supporter and breast friends in this scenario, I think it’s super key for listeners to understand when somebody is coming to you in a vulnerable state how to really activate the listening and truly be there for that individual? Can you all walk us through that?

Jayme Zylstra:
Becky, can I start that because I want to share with what you did to me and then you can say the why, okay. Becky and I laugh about this because you know again I didn’t share my story right away but Becky was always in the back of my mind because Becky and I spoke in January because I was following her on Facebook of like oh my gosh what are you going through and I think back to how I talked to her and the questions I asked and the things I said I’m like oh my gosh, if I was that person I’d be so mad at me because I asked really stupid questions. And so, then when I shared my story, and this was in April, I put it out there on social media that I want to document my journey and Becky’s response to my post all in capital letters if you can try to visualize this, all in capital letters with multiple exclamation marks at the end, we are talking this week and I could hear her say it to me, we are talking this week.

There was no option that Becky was not going to come into my story. Right away I was like I got to talk to this girl because I knew Becky before too. I knew that she had not all the answers but the biggest characteristic that Becky had was she was going to listen to me, and she was going to calm me down because when I was not sharing my story the hardest thing I had was I could not find my breath. I was like trying to catch that inhale and exhale, just trying to find that was my hardest part. So, Becky, now you can tell them why you reached out when you did.

Becky Attard:
So, just like Jayme said, we had talked what January, February and then you posted in April, and I remember I was laying with my daughter. I was putting her to bed and I was scrolling through Facebook and I was reading Jayme’s post of her announcement of her breast cancer and I kind of was mad because I was like why didn’t she call me first. I feel betrayed. So, I wrote that in the comment. I go we’re talking this week exclamation point and then I went downstairs and my husband goes I just read what you posted on Jayme’s post babe. He’s like what is wrong with you. I go it’s fine. We’re talking this week. I think what is is like you…it’s just like anything else in life, like until you’ve gone through it and until you’ve experienced it…and I got to be honest with you, there was a lot of people who gave me a lot of advice who have never been through cancer and you’re like oh you can’t do this, you know what I mean, but once you’ve had that call and you’ve gone through the treatment and you’ve done the hard stuff, like there’s just a level of understanding with one another that is just priceless.

Jayme Zylstra:
Isn’t it true too like even your loved ones will sit there and tell you it’s going to be okay. It’s going to be okay and you’re like how do you know but then Becky was like it’s going to be okay and I’d be like okay, I know it’s going to be okay, and that would drive my husband crazy because he’s like I just told you that. I just told you that. It’s like I know but you’re not Becky. As I followed Becky’s journey as well, there’s things that were so like I could see that she was so hopeful. She was so encouraging. She had empathy. Those are all things that I needed but didn’t know I needed. Like I know people were trying to tell me and help like you’re strong but I didn’t need to hear I was strong because I wasn’t believing I was strong because at the very beginning you have this panic, this fear, this anger that’s inside of you and the beautiful part of having this and I’ll keep saying your breast friend, your bosom buddy, whatever you want to call them was she understood where I was at at that time.

Jamie Martin:
So, let’s talk a little about that because Becky your initial diagnosis was about three years prior to Jayme’s and you both knew each other through Life Time, right. So, when this happened, obviously colleagues via Life Time, friends on social media, all of this, once Jayme had her diagnosis too how often did you connect and how did that strengthen your bond and relationship?

Becky Attard:
So, I’ll have Jayme speak to this because we spoke the other day and she was kind of going through things that I had like texted her and things…I forgot about that. I forgot about that. So Jayme, tell them what happened.

Jayme Zylstra:
Okay. So, as soon as she reached out to me too, I told her a lot of different things about what steps I was in but ____00:27:50 when I was going through mine it was around Easter time and she said it was around this time she said don’t think about any of this cancer. It can wait until tomorrow. I love you and then that’s when she said she was my breast friend, but I love that word. It’s like you know what cancer can wait because all of a sudden my world was all about cancer. You know you think about that as like what is your identity. I had a completely different identity up until February 13. Now my identity was going to be about breast cancer and I didn’t know how to do that, so what Becky did is she knew what phases I was going through and so she had different things too when all this time I was getting ONCO score she would check in and before I could call Becky Becky would call me or she got really smart because she’d talk to somebody younger and would leave me voice text messages, we’re both laughing because we didn’t know how to do it.

It would change the subject where I was like how do you do that but she would leave me these voice messages and with the voice messages I would play them back probably 10 to 15 times because when I was scared I would play the voice message back from Becky. Again, she doesn’t know I did all that, but I did and all it did was it gave me times where I knew somebody was caring for me. I knew that she knew what I was going through and my favorite one that she had was when I had to start radiation and radiation again I didn’t know what the heck I was going to do. You have to kind of do a practice round and they talk about tattoos, and I was like going I would never get a tattoo and then she’d tell what the tattoo was. It wasn’t really a tattoo, but the hardest part is laying on the table.

And so, when I laid on the table she says this is what I want you to think Jayme, I want you to say a mantra or a prayer and I want you to say that over and over. Don’t do anything else. Just lay there and relax, and that was in my head so many times because I had such a hard time because I had fear and worry. So, I would get myself so anxious about what is to come that I didn’t even know what it was to come, and those words come to me is like all you got to do is just lay there, relax, pray, say a mantra, but those words were so vivid in my mind. So, I love that. The one thing too I want to say about Becky because one of my doctors, I keep saying this I’m emotional about everything, and so he’s like you know Jayme I really think that you need a breast care counselor.

Like you should go and talk to someone, and I go no, no, no, no, no, I’m good. He’s like but Jayme you have a lot of emotion and you want to talk to someone and I said no I’m good, I have Becky and he’s like oh and who’s Becky. I’m like Becky is my breast friend because Becky gave herself that title, so I used it. I told him all about Becky and how she’s such a good listener and how she’s empathetic and she has this energy about her, and my doctor just smiled at me and he goes everybody needs a Becky and I’m like they do, they do. He was great. To this day Becky I still have your voice messages. I still have your text messages. Yeah. They just mean the world to me.

Jamie Martin:
Becky, when you were starting your journey did you have a breast friend who helped you through or was this something you realized like, you know, along your own journey that you needed?

Becky Attard:
No. It wasn’t until I was probably six months into my journey that I had other people reaching out to me saying I was just diagnosed can we talk. I was just diagnosed, can we talk. So, I now have this clan of probably 10 plus women that I communicate with that either were just diagnosed or in treatment right now or have finished treatment. It’s crazy. Yes.

Jayme Zylstra:
You got that job without even knowing it. You didn’t even have to apply for it.

Becky Attard:
Yes, I have this new job title of like cancer cheerleader. So, yeah, just today I have a friend stage four and she has a scan. Just sent her a text. I was like hey your scan it’s in a couple days. Go kick some butt. She’s like thanks. You know what I mean, like just…and she said to me one time she’s like you’re the only person who gets it. She’s like nobody else in my life has any idea what this is and that is and scans and chemo and I’m like I know. It’s just that relatability factor, you know, that’s so comforting when you know somebody has felt it all.

David Freeman:
That was a great segue as far as Jayme Z saying, you know, you ended up getting a job. I mean no pun intended but let’s go into Life Time, and I call like instead of a job a place of passion, whatever it is that you do, you know, you find joy in. How would you say at Life Time how has it played a role in this journey? I know that you both obviously helped impact so many different lives from like teaching but then on the flip side of that doing classes or being around just a healthy environment, a healthy way of life as a whole. So, can you tell our listeners a little bit about how that environment plays a big role in all this as well?

Becky Attard:
Just kind of picky backing off of what Jayme said, she said there was a lot of shame and David I tell people like I spent my entire life, 40 years, working out, water, no alcohol, no drugs, organic food and then all of a sudden you’re like cancer, but the good thing is I remember I was like in the middle of treatment and I’m one to like not even touch a Tylenol and then all of a sudden you’re being pounded with poison, chemotherapy, and one of the things with cancer that a lot of people like don’t understand is that your body being able to tolerate the treatment is huge because it like decimates your levels and then you have to get bloodwork before you get the chemo and if your body hasn’t recovered from the last round you can’t get the next round.

So, being able to make it through the treatment and I remember I was so mad, you know, because I was like having a fit one day with one of my best friends Vanessa who teaches at Life Time and I was like how could I have spent my entire life devoted to the healthy way of life and then you get cancer and she just flipped it around and she was like Becky, she goes look at how you have been pounded with surgeries and treatment. She goes look at how you’re tolerating it. I mean when I was in the ER with a broken neck, they were like do you need a wheelchair and I was like no. The doctors are like your C2 is directly connected to your breathing, the doctors were like scratching their heads they’re like are your breathing okay and I was like yeah. I think so, you know what I mean. And then as far as Life Time goes you talk about community.

In the 30 days of darkness between when I was handed the funeral planning papers and the cervical fusion there was so many members that wanted to come over and one of my best friends Teresa who’s taught at Life Time for 25 years she goes Becky the members want to come over and sit with you and I said I really appreciate that, I said, I do but I’m not home. I’m like I’m at the hospital every single day. I’m like I’m not sitting on my couch right now watching soap operas. I appreciate that. So, the members they set up a meal train for me and through months members, well friends, family, and members brought food over. One of the members that I became very good friends with she has a staff of people and she sent me a text and she was like hey I just want to let you know that my girls will be at your house every week to clean your house from top to bottom and she just sent her people over. My neurosurgeon is a member. I mean I could go on and on, so it’s just interesting how Life Time has just weaved its way through my story and my journey and now that it’s over I’m heading back in a week.

Jayme Zylstra:
I do want to say too I remember that was one of my posts and Becky you always responded to that too because like Life Time prepared me for this. I never knew the why. I would workout as much as I wanted to and I really never knew why I did final savasana. Do I really have five minutes to lay here. Why did I really get into yoga because I love yoga now and when I went through this journey the answer was so clear for me. Like I have been doing all of this training, all of this preparation not for an event, not for a race, but to battle this fight and that’s what I took it as. I took it as a challenge and I…I love 30-day challenges. I found it kind of ironic too that it was marvelous May when I went through radiation because everything happens in May, but Life Time truly did and the reason that I went through it so fast, and they remind me of this all the time it’s like Jayme because you were so healthy you get to do this type of treatment.

So, that right then David if you were to ask me about a mindset when I hear I get to instead of I have to I was like yeah, I can do this, and I took those things. You know, like it was interesting for me too to hear different things in yoga when they’re like find your breath and I remember them saying that pre cancer going find my breath, what the heck and then I was using that like yeah I got to find my breath or how life is about opposites, right. you know, we get the choice of having that fear and anxiety, really the way I took it was I was going to find the hope and the joy versus constantly being stuck in that fear.

Jamie Martin:
I know David you are huge on mindset. So, we talked a little bit about that, but I did allude to perspective earlier and I know Becky as I was alluding to I heard you speak on a few other podcasts, you know, you said there were moments when you had a really hard time and then something would present itself in front of you and kind of wake you up. So, let’s talk a little bit about that. Like the perspective and then the mindset shift that would happen when you would have those perspective kind of awakening moments.

Becky Attard:
So, this was fall of 2020 and my hair during COVID I’m going to be honest with you it was like the best hair I’ve ever had in my life, and I sat with my oncologist. It was like long, and I have a ton of hair, but I had grown it, and I was sitting at my oncologist and my tears…Jayme you know when your tears are like, you’re like not even crying. The tears are just falling out of your eyes. I think I was making my oncologist uncomfortable, and he goes okay we’re going to do four rounds of chemo and I’m sobbing, and he stops and he says are you okay like why are you crying so hard. I go do you see my hair. I have breast cancer ready to enter the chemotherapy and what do I say I go look at my hair. I go this is the best hair that I’ve ever had in my life. He goes no, no, no, you can do the cold cap therapy.

So, I ended up cutting my hair like shoulder length which was fine and I did the cold cap therapy but my hair thinned significantly, and I went to go get it trimmed on day because even though I was in chemo the hair that I had was still growing and I went to go get my hair trimmed one day and I got in the car and I looked at it and I started sobbing. I was mad. I was like I had the best hair I ever had in my life and now my hair is like shoulder length which was fine, but it was thin, and I was just angry. Like Jayme I’m sure you can relate. Like you have these moments of like anger where you’re like oh, you know, and I was pulling out of the hair salon and there was a father and his son and you know when you’re like in a parking lot and you physically have to stop your car because people are walking in front of you, you know, and the son was about my son’s age and you could clearly see he was in the middle of chemotherapy.

He was bald and pale and I’m just standing there in my car thinking to myself okay I have my hair. It’s thin. You’re fine. Get over it. Here’s this child. And I remember after my first round of chemo I got in the car…that’s why when Life Time does the fundraisers for children’s cancer and Children’s Miracle Network it pierces my heart because I got in the car after my first round of chemo and I looked at my husband and I was a little bit out of it, well a lot out of it because those drugs wipe you out, and the only thing I said to him and the only thing I could think of is how do kids do this. How do children do this, and I mean childhood cancer is a whole other subject, but I mean just the perspective of like you’re fine, get it together.

Then just one more thing is I was at PT, physical therapy this morning and I’m doing my exercises like a rotation. We’re doing all this crazy stuff at PT for my neck and I had a moment of anger, a moment of just uh and there was a man that walked in front of me and he had half of a leg. He had the prosthetic leg, and he was walking out and the back of his shirt said embrace the suck and I’m like here’s a man that has one leg and he’s wearing this t-shirt that says embrace the suck and I was like you know what that is life right there. Like there so much of life that just sucks and there was so much of the past three years that just sucked but I read one time that somebody said life can be really horrible and bad and really great at the exact same time and you don’t have to choose one or the other and that was like huge for me.

Like yes, I’m suffering through these treatments and yes I’m suffering through these surgeries and whatever and it sucks but there’s so much other life right now that’s so great I don’t have to choose to have this horrible attitude because all this bad stuff is going on because if you wait for your circumstances just to be clear to be happy you’re going to be waiting like a really long time. I think I went off on like 10 tangents there Jamie. I’m sorry.

Jamie Martin:
Well, I was going to say when you just described like holding space for both the good and the bad, I just remember Glenan Doyle like years ago had a phrase brutiful, life is brutiful. It’s brutal and it’s beautiful and they can be at the same time, and you know I went through a hard thing with my nephew several years ago and I just remember thinking okay what can we see as beautiful in this really brutal time in our lives and it’s a before and after. It’s all these things but how do we hold space for all of it because that’s life and at some point, and I think I meant to say this at the start, it’s like we’re human so we’re all going to face challenges or scary health diagnosis or losses that are unexpected and like we need our people there for us in that and we need to hold space for each other in all of it. So, anyway, that was just my little addition there because life is hard but it’s also beautiful.

Jayme Zylstra:
I always use that, and I thought about this too the word suffer, like am I truly suffering because I know I’m not. There’s somebody that’s suffering a little bit more, and not that I want to compare that I want somebody else suffering, but I felt that I was being not grateful enough of understanding where I was going you’re okay Jayme. There is someone suffering more. You know, there were a lot of times when I was in…I remember the first time I was in radiation with my daughter, she was with me and I was being all strong with her and I go sit down next to her still trying to be as strong as I could and then I just lost it and she’s like mom what is going on and I’m trying to tell her I’m not crying for myself. I’m crying for all the people here. Like there are a lot of people that are going to chemo then to radiation or there’s people here that are with their mom and dad doing the chemo, and what I found my most joy in is I would carry these little tokens with me because I wanted to bring joy to different people because I could. And so, when I saw somebody who I thought was suffering a little bit more than they should have been I would give them a little token. It was just a little something they could put in their pocket or something. I kept trying to think I got to bring joy to this situation. So, that was my little thing I would do.

Becky Attard:
David, you asked the question about like the support system and I feel like I remember it was after the fusion and I was in the chair, I think it was like round three or four, and I remember I said to my husband I said I can see how people going through this who don’t have a good support system I can see how they let go of the rope a hundred percent no doubt, and then we talked about like how to support somebody going through something traumatic, and I remember there was a period of time where we would go out and about to church, to my kid’s school, whatever, the grocery store and there was people that would not acknowledge what was going on and it would make me mad and then there would be people that would ask me a thousand questions and I would be like okay I’m at my son’s basketball game right now, like I don’t want to do the cancer thing right now or I’m in the cereal aisle at the grocery store like I can’t do this right now.

I remember I had like a freak out one day and my husband was like you get mad when people say things to you about it and you get mad when people don’t say things to you about it and here’s my big advice, and they’ve come up to me and they’ve said especially during treatment they’re like I don’t know what to say to you and here’s my advice for people. I had a girl come up to me, a friend of mine Diana, she said hey, she said I want to acknowledge what’s going on, but I know you want to talk about other things and I said yes. So, if someone is going through something traumatic or has been through something traumatic, they want you to acknowledge what is going on or what has happened, but they want to talk about real life things, you know. When I’m at the grocery store or wherever, like I don’t want to do the cancer thing in the meat aisle. Acknowledge it but talk about real life.

Jayme Zylstra:
Such good advice too. You know, the other thing too that’s so good is like, and Becky you did great at this too, but I also had a neighbor that went through cancer as well and knowing what I needed before I did, like giving me that gift basket before I had radiation with the lozenges and the lotions and having all that at first I was like what is all this stuff and then when I needed it I was like thank goodness I had this. So, maybe you have to do a little research to find out what they need when they go through the different steps is really good, but I think also understanding is knowing somebody when it’s enough. Like there’s some that would reach out to me and again they just kept prying into other things where I wasn’t ready to talk about it.

I wasn’t ready to share my full story yet or they might have had a different belief and I think Becky you mentioned this too is like I am really into more of the eastern side than I am the western side but that’s not going to kill the cancer, right, or some people believe it is but whatever my belief is how I was going to cure my cancer I didn’t need to hear their belief at that time. That was really hard for me because there would be people calling going I think you’re doing the wrong thing or I would do it differently and that was really hard for me because that’s like you know what I have to put the trust in my care team that I did choose and I’m going to trust them. I don’t need anybody to tell me something different right now because I have to stay focused and that was in my plan. I have a plan, I’m going to stay focused, thank you but don’t keep going.

Becky Attard:
Yeah. Yeah. I had people beg me to not do the chemo and I was like I don’t have that kind of time to do experimental things right now. Like I don’t have time for that.

Jayme Zylstra:
And I think the other thing too is just you know just showing up. Don’t ask me if it’s okay to come over. Just come over. You know, like if I’m there I’m there. If I’m not, you know, but I didn’t know what the right thing was either so like when I had someone show up and oh I like chocolate and they showed up with chocolate I was like thank you for just showing up because I would say don’t worry about me. I got it. I’m good but they did and that was great.

Becky Attard:
Or show up with a meal. I always tell people the most helpful thing through the surgeries, through the treatment, is people showing up with healthy food, cooked food. That was the best thing ever, the most helpful thing.

Jamie Martin:
Well, what I’m hearing from both of you is really that we need the support team that understands like the two of you being that your breast friends, but you also need that kind of next layer of support of people to be there and also kind of know that there are certain, you know, boundaries our guardrails to be aware of and to just acknowledge. So, I think that’s really important. Like we need our people, but we also need to know and respect the boundaries of each individual and what they’re comfortable with too. Well, I know we are like coming up on an hour and we could just keep going and going and talking which I love, this is such a great conversation, but I want to give you both just a chance like before we sign off is there anything else that you would want to make sure our listeners know about your experience or things you’ve learned along the way and then we’ll head over to David’s mic drop moment.

Jayme Zylstra:
You know, my biggest thing is because I found my cancer and I am so extremely grateful that I was my advocate and that I stood up for even though they said I’m fine I knew I wasn’t. So, my advice to everybody though is listen and know your body because nobody knows it better than you do, so if you feel something do something about it and if they say it’s nothing and you feel it is say something. Like I said, you just got to keep being an advocate for yourself.

Jamie Martin:
As you were talking earlier Jayme, I wrote down self-advocate. So, I love that you just put that in here and that’s what we all have to be in this world.

Becky Attard:
I had a conversation, it was like right after treatment ended and I had a scan, and I had a conversation with one of my doctors and he’s like can I talk to you and I said yeah. I always tell people like I see my doctors constantly. I’m a very short leash right now still which is fine, but I very rarely have real life conversations with them, and he said can I talk to you. I was like yeah and he said I want you to do the things in life that you want to do, and I said you’re scaring me. He said I don’t mean to scare you, but he said but you have to understand he said our society thinks…he goes everyone in society thinks that they’re going to live until 85, 90, 95 years old and he said it’s simply not true.

He said please do the things in life that you want to do and then he said this, he said because I work with cancer patients every day and when the treatment isn’t working they all say the same thing. They all say I wish I would have when I had the opportunity and now it’s too late. I was talking to Jayme earlier and I said, you know, the whole life is short, you know, live your best life like it’s a cliché and sometimes I hear those things now actually after my journey and it makes my skin crawl a little bit but truly like do the things in life that you want to do whether you’re 25 or 75, you know, because truly life is short and you never know what’s going to happen.

Jamie Martin:
All right David, you get the final question.

David Freeman:
Okay. Mic drop moment is going to be share responsibility. We said the word life a lot today, yeah, so it’ll be an acronym. First word that comes to mind or your response to the word that I say for L. I’m giving you all the tidbits now.

Becky Attard:
I’m nervous.

David Freeman:
It’s nothing to be nervous about. So, life, I’ll give you the acronym learn, inspire, fearless, empower. So, the way we’ll go is I’ll go in ABC order Becky, go with B. Learn, first word that comes to mind or general statement that comes to mind when I say the word learn.

Becky Attard:
Learn to take care of yourself. Self-care. Learn to self-care and take care of yourself.

David Freeman:
Love it. All right, JZ, inspire.

Jayme Zylstra:
Inspire. I’m going to use the word inspire by saying is, you know, cancer was nothing that I thought something positive would come from but I’m hoping that through this podcast, through me sharing my story that I inspire other people to be positive no matter what negativity gets into your world. If it’s a cancer diagnosis, if it’s broken leg, whatever it is find the positivity. Take the positive side versus the negative. Take the yes versus the no. Take the I’m going to live versus I’m going to die because it’s just a better way to do it. So, that’ll be my inspire.

David Freeman:
Becky we’re at F for fearless.

Becky Attard:
Jayme do you want to take it?

Jayme Zylstra:
No, go ahead.

Becky Attard:
I read something the other day and it was about so many people are like you’re so brave, you’re so strong. You’re a warrior and the fear that comes with this is indescribable but it’s all about like being courageous is feeling the fear and doing it anyway. You know, there’s really no such thing…like I kind of hate the word fearless because I don’t really think there’s…I don’t know, I just think it’s feeling the fear and still putting one foot in front of the other and doing it anyway even though you’re so afraid.

David Freeman:
That’s why that word was for you. Look at that. Last but certainly not least JZ you got empower.

Jayme Zylstra:
Empower. I think that my empower just goes back to again taking ownership of your body and getting there and you know when you do take the ownership as well as I again advocate for myself to say yes I do have something inside me. I want to get it out of me. I also did not take the suggestions of the surgeon and the oncologist. I did my own research to find out who I wanted on my team, who could I trust because you have to right away trust people that you’ve never had a relationship with before and when you get the diagnosis it goes really, really fast. So, take that empowerment of pausing and being comfortable with your choices that are about to come and affect you for a really long time. So, be empowered.

David Freeman:
Awesome stuff.

Jamie Martin:
And I hope everybody takes away from this episode just hearing what these two women have been through and the way that they’re both from where I’m sitting it seems like thriving as survivors right now and just we’re so grateful. I actually got up this morning and I know we’re not showing like the video of this but my shirt I’m wearing today says here’s to strong women and I put that on very intentionally because I knew we were having this conversation. Here’s to strong women. May we know them. May we be them. May we raise them. So, I just want to say thank you to both of you for being here with us. I know we want to point people to where they can find you on Instagram or elsewhere, so Becky, people can find you on Instagram at what is it?

Becky Attard:
@kulkaattard, my maiden name. Kulka Attard.

Jamie Martin:
Great. And how about you Jayme?

Jayme Zylstra:
You can find me on Instagram JZylstra52067. That 520 is my birthday so yes you can also send me birthday cards.

Jamie Martin:
I love it. I love it. Well, we’ll link to both of you in the show notes to make sure that people can find you but thank you again for taking the time with us and I don’t know David any final sign off here?

David Freeman:
I just heard the whole day she said everything happens in May. Now it all makes sense.

Jayme Zylstra:
Yeah. Birthday, anniversary, mother’s day and now it’s going to be my anniversary to celebrate this. So, marvelous May.

David Freeman:
There it is. I appreciate you all sharing your all’s story and empowering the world with your journey.

Becky Attard:
Thank you David. Thank you, Jamie.

David Freeman:
Thanks for joining us for this episode. As always, we love to hear your thoughts on our conversation today and how you approach this aspect of healthy living in your own life. What works for you, where do you run into challenges, where do you need help.

Jamie Martin:
And if you have topics for future episodes, you can share those with us too. Email us at lttalks@lifetime.life or reach out to us on Instagram at @lifetime.life, @jamiemartinel and @freezy30 and use the hashtag Life Time talks. You can also learn more about the podcast at Experience Life.Life Time.life/podcasts.

David Freeman:
And if you’re enjoying Life Time Talks, please subscribe on Apple podcasts, Spotify, Google podcasts, or wherever you listen to podcasts. If you like what you’re hearing, we invite you to rate and review the podcasts and share it on your social channels too.

Jamie Martin:
Thanks for listening. We’ll talk to you next time on Life Time Talks. Life Time Talks is a production of Life Time healthy way of life. It is produced by Molly Kopischke and Sarah Ellingsworth with audio engineering by Peter Perkins, video production and editing by Kevin Dickson, sound and video consulting by Corey Larson and support from George Norman and the rest of the team at Life Time Motion.

David Freeman:
A big thank you to everyone who helps create each episode and provides feedback.