How to Navigate Office Gossip

Gossip is nearly impossible for people in groups to resist. This is partly evolution: Our early ancestors used gossip to protect the group from traitors, cheaters, liars, and thieves. We gossiped as a form of social control; rather than physically beat others up, we could just ruin their reputation. Still, however natural, gossip can devastate relationships, since by definition it is usually negative.

One way to avoid the negative effects of gossip is to set good boundaries. When another of my meditation students discovered her boss was having an affair, she made two decisions:

1) She would not help him deceive his spouse or anyone else; and

2) she would not share her knowledge of the affair with others at work, because it was not their business.

Her decision not to support the situation and to refrain from gossip provided her with a safe refuge where she was able to maintain her integrity, because she successfully avoided any conversations that would result in betraying someone’s trust.

Exercise: Resist the Urge to Pass It On

The next time someone shares a juicy piece of gossip with you, notice how hard it is not to repeat. Then see if you can sit quietly, bring awareness to that temptation without judgment, and let the desire to share the story fade. Later, try to notice whether setting boundaries around gossip provides you with your own safe refuge. (The good news is you don’t have to stop others from gossiping — your only task is to examine your own response to it.)

Stealth Meditation:

For an upcoming one-on-one conversation, resolve to listen more and speak less.